You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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