She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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