Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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