I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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