Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
