What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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