To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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