there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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