My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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