The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
that is very illegal...i love you.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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