There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
