did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so explain again why im purple
no
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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