so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
