My friends, they love my intelligence
We need to rekindle our bromance
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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