cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
