Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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