Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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