we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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