i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
