It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
