I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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