I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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