I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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