Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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