I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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