You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
