I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
