I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
