Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
