I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
