Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Is it because I queefed?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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