mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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