How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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