Having a random hookup so left but love u
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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