Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
