you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
so much tequila, so little girl.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
