im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
