I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Congratulations! We have a period
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
