Don't make out with my wife yet
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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