I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
