I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
