Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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