I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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