There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
