i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
