Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
