Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
