if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
