i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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