i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
