And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
